2024 - The Year to Start Writing Again

Hello World!

It's been a while.

I thought I could start to write again on 2017. But I was wrong. My last post in 2017 was great! There are people who still read it till now, but I just realized it recently.

What happened with my life? A lot. Positive and Negative.

A bit of short story, I was actively writing blogs during my bachelor degree (2009) till mid of my PhD (2015). I shared many experiences in my life through writing blogs. Travel, Friends, Religion, and Knowledge. But everything changed when I experienced PhD depression. 😀😀 

Well, depression can be caused by many things. But my PhD is the main reason. I am not shy or try to keep this illness by myself. Because there are many people who experienced depression too. Maybe not because their education problems, but maybe other personal problems. The impact of this illness was that I was like a zombie. I walked around without purpose in my life. But, Alhamdulillah, I have family who support and love me. They gave me assurances and solutions that helped me went through all of those problems.

I was graduated as a PhD grad on October 2020. Two weeks after my dad passed away from COVID. Three weeks after my first lovely nephew born. Sad and happy at the same time. But I am still grateful with whatever Allah gave me.

Then, I went back to Indonesia at the end of 2020, leaving my husband in Taiwan, to help my family and started working as a university teacher.

Along the way, I found new friends, colleagues, family, and life. I am happy I am in here now. After soo many difficulties in my life. Well, I still have problems (whose not?) but I can accept them, grateful, and peaceful about it.

Now, I think the best time to write again. 

Writing has always been the place for me to share my thoughts. The place to share my knowledge. The place where I can (hopefully) help others in many ways.

So, be prepared. This year, 2024, on this Ramadhan day, I am starting again. 😁😁💗💗

School or Work? A Difficult Choice

Choices have been part of our life since we were born. However, there is a choice need to be made by most of university/college graduates or even students themselves, between school and work.

What I've experienced and seen for these several years, there is a trend in Indonesian college graduates to continue their education to a higher level, either master degree or even doctoral degree. Higher degree has been seen as one of the "success" measurement, aside of the salary and marriage. 

Because of those measurements and unrealized desire to be respected by social communities, graduates often confuse on what choice need to made.

I remember my sister and my cousin (they're in the same age and graduated in the same year) when they asked me same questions. 

"What will I do now? Where I can apply for work? Is anyone wants to employ me? How about school? Which school? I want to study but I need money for that. I cannot ask my parents to pay my tuition anymore. National campus or foreign campus? How to apply for that? How about scholarship?"

They kept asking me those questions over and over again. Although I've been answered those questions based on what me and my friends experienced before, they kept confuse. It's normal because I've been through the confusion before.

It's also quite understandable because as a graduate, in this case Indonesian, is quite difficult to choose between continue our life as an employee in whatever the company is, or become a student once more then going through the confusion again until the highest level of degree, then settle to work somewhere.

So, in here... I want to let you know about several suggestions from me to choose between school and work, based on what me, my husband, my family, and my friends ever experienced in our life. The suggestions are not really based on what you need to do, but what you need to think of. So, questions yourselves these questions....

1. What's my dream?

Dream is not always things like I want to travel the world, I want to have XBox, or I want to have a three-screen laptop which just stolen from the CES booth (hahaha this is a crazy stuff) , but some of you might have a dream to be someone, right?

That someone reflects on how you will live your life.

For example, I want to be a university teacher (or dosen), which means I have to become a student until the highest degree. Because, I have to have those degree if I want to be a teacher somewhere. Moreover, I will also learn how to become an independent researcher and can do something for my country.

Another example, if I want to be an entrepreneur, then I can apply for job first. Because I need money for that. I have to save some money to do my own business. Yes of course I need MBA to be a boss, but maybe I can do it later when my business already flourished.

I want to experience a school life and work life at the same time. So that I can have both experience. Then I just have to apply for university and at the same time work part time job in somewhere. Or.... work full time in a company and at night go to university that have that program (usually management or business college)

What if I want to be settled? I just want to stay in a lowest risk possible. Just be happy with everything. Got a stable job, good salary, and that's it. So, just apply for a job I want then. But I need higher degree if I want bigger salary... maybe I can do it later in a "not so good" university as long as I got a degree.

See? your dream... will reflects on what will you do next.

2. How's my parents these days?

My parents are number one priority for me, before I married. And they've become my second priority now. But still, they're the best for me and my husband. So,when it comes to the choices need to be made about my future, I have to consider my parents first. Just like what my sister did.

Some of use, not all of us, might have some thoughts about how we're gonna survive after college. We cannot ask our parents for money anymore. We are grownups already. At the same time, they're already old enough so that it's time for us as a child to support them and let them rest at home, live their life fully.

If my parents rich enough and have their own business. They also have intention to give all of their assets to me, maybe I will consider school first rather than work. Because my parents can afford my higher education's tuition. Then, after that I will just work in their business.

But what if my parents do not have enough money? We are just a normal family and I still have siblings need to be supported. If I want to go to school, I have to find a scholarship. I cannot burden my family. But if my parents already in the age of retirement and my siblings need money for school, I have to go to work.

3. Which School or Which Company?

Just apply any school or any company as long as it matched with your dream and the family condition.

For example, your parents already old and your siblings need you, so you can apply for school or work which near your home. Not in foreign country.

But if everything at home alright, you can apply for as many school as possible. Because the rejection possibility is very high, especially if you apply for scholarship. Any scholarship is ok.

In the working case, sometimes you do not know what kind of company you want to apply? The reason is... you just do not know. hahaha That's what my cousin said to me a week ago. He just doesn't know.

So, just apply to any company. Big or small. No matter what the company is... the most important thing is that you have to experience the work itself. What you learn in college is different with what you will learn in the company. What if you want to move? just move out then.

My dad and my husband ever told me the similar thing. You can move from one job to another, because the previous one is the stepping stone to a better job. So, do not be afraid.

---

After made a decision, if you are a student, you might realize something important when it's come to the part time job.

1. Am I really need a part time job?

Some people just want to experience the part time job. Working as a waitress is challenging. But, some people really need the money to survive. Especially when you only depend on the scholarship, or even no scholarship at all. So, consider your financial needs at that time.

2. How about my research? Is it safe?

When you are in a master or PhD degree, research is important. No matter what department you are in, Usually, you have to stay in the lab for several hours on specific days. Although, some of you might not required to do this by your professor, the feeling of "afraid to be caught not in the lab" sometimes occurs.

Another possibility is about the research itself. What year you are at that time? If you have part time job, then will it makes your research delayed?

3. How many days your part time will be? And how many hours? How about the salary?

You have to consider the time and days. Especially when you're in a foreign country, you have to know the policy in that country. If the company who employs give you less salary or longer time than the required, do not take that job.

It is my own experience when I have a part time job in Taiwan. I did not know the amount of payment that I should have. It turns out that the company gave me less than the policy stated. Moreover, I have to work 4 days in a week, for more than 10 hours a day.

The result? I was sick all the time because I was too tired, my research was delayed, and the salary was not that good compared with I had to do at work.

---

Be prepared, guys.
Think carefully before you choose.
I hope this article can help you choose between school and work.
Please prioritize your life before you regret. :)

Stranded on the Street at Night

Several weeks ago, I got an incident that changed how I view my life and people around me. I just got a time to write it down in here because I have to make sure that my story is in line with what I suppose to tell you about.

As some of you might already knew that my husband had a scooter for commute in Taiwan. We used a third-hand scooter, bought from a friend around four years ago, two years before he married me. At that time, the condition is good enough for him to use between his work and rented-room in Hsinchu City, Taiwan.

Then, after he married with me, he moved to a new job in Taipei City, so that I will not going to be tired to commute between two cities and we can be in the same city. However, our rented apartment in Taipei City is far from school and his work. So, still, we need a scooter. He brought his scooter from Hsinchu to Taipei, around 2 hours drive.

The distance between my home to school is around 45 minutes drive. So, he has to drive me to school, then work, and pick me up after-work in school, then go home. It took a toll for the scooter because it could not follow our pace. The third-hand scooter always went for reparation at least once a month and costed a lot of money. 

So, several weeks ago, the scooter just stopped suddenly in the middle of no where at night.

In the morning, I had worked so hard in my part time job and had a lot of problems too. So, my energy was drained at that point on. I just wanted to go home and sleep. At the same time, my husband also tired. The project that he handled was stuck and his boss was quite disappointed. Rough day for both of us.

When the scooter stopped, we did not know what to do. Silent for a moment. Then, I told him to just walk to the nearest scooter shop so that we can repair it. He tried to turn on the power but could not. So, I tried to look into Google Maps and searched nearest shop. We need around 45 minutes to walk there, in a good condition. Which means if there're something wrong, it took more than that, maybe 1.5 hours. +___+

As you can see in the map above, we stopped in an express way, just like a highway but scooters can enter the road. The distance to the nearest shop is around 3.5 km. When I think about it again, it was just no way we can walk there at 10 PM where there are no building in the road's sides.

We desperate and just started to walk.

Around 5 minutes later, suddenly there was another scooter stopped on our behind. Then, the owner called us. A grandpa, speaking Chinese, asked me about something.

At first, I thought he asked about the way to somewhere. But, it turned out that he asked what happened to us. I told him that we cannot speak proper chinese and with a crazy body language, I told him that our fuel is still full and we do not know what happen. Then, he said also with his body language that the nearest shop is far away from there (and we already knew about it). 

He tried to explain something with his legs. Move around and he pushed me to the back of the scooter then pointed the passenger seat. Then, the understanding between us was clear, He suggested to help us pushed our scooter from behind with his foot. That's why he asked me to be in the passenger seat.

We were so shocked. We thought he wanted to do anything else rather than that. haha

He started to pushed us from behind with his foot and both scooters moved. On our way, there are a lot of traffics and we had to be very careful. So, my husband moved the scooter to the right side of the road (in Taiwan, the road is in right, not left) and the grandpa followed us.

When the nearest neighborhood appeared, my husband slowed the scooter because the shop was nearby. I felt that grandpa remove his foot from our scooter and when we stopped, he just waved his hand toward us and drove away.

We could not even say thanks to him. I screamed to him on the side of the road "Xie Xie, Xiensheng!!!" (Thank You, Sir) and he just waved his hand!

Afterwards, we walked to the shop and it turns out that the engine oil was gone. To repair it, we need to spend a lot of money and rather buy another second-hand scooter. So, we asked the shop owner about the price of a second-hand scooter which still in a good condition. He helped us a lot during the process and even helped my husband to process the new one to the police station.

From what happened to us, it makes me smile a lot. The desperation was gone. The tiredness was gone. Because of a nice grandpa.

I kept asking myself until now...

What will you do if you are the one who encounter a stranger, even a foreigner, who cannot speak your language, need your help in the middle of nowhere? Will you help him/her?

My answer is... I will.

But my husband has different thought about this. It depends on where we are.

There are a lot cases in Indonesia where someone got stabbed, raped, or robbed in the middle of nowhere at night. That's what we afraid of. What if...those person has bad intention toward us?

But again... what if those people really need help? Will you help?

Our answer... We do not know.

That's the problem that we have... maybe most of us have. I was embarrassed to say that I do not know whether I want to help or not. But that's the truth. Sometimes, our safety is more important and news made us have crazy thoughts about everything.

But then... I remember that grandpa we met. He did not care what will happen to him. He did not care whether we are bad guys or good guys. He even did not care that we are foreigners.

He just wanted to help us.

This single help... led me to a different perspective. 

I will help someone, even a stranger, because there's a stranger helped me in my desperate situation.

A good deed will led to another good deeds.

I always believe in those words since I was a kid, but this is the time when I realized the real meaning behind it.

So, will you help someone you do not know?

I'm Right and You're Wrong : Sedikit pemahaman tentang bagaimana orang Indonesia berpikir tentang topik keagamaan

Sebelum kumulai tulisan ini, aku ingin Anda (sebagai pembaca) untuk memahami betul bahwa tulisan ini hanyalah tulisan hasil pemikiran individu seorang wanita Muslim berkewarganegaraan Indonesia yang masih belajar banyak hal dan melihat bagaimana isu di Indonesia berkembang di ranah sosial media. Jika, ada salah kata ataupun pemikiran, mohon maaf. Wanita ini bukan orang yang sempurna dan memiliki pemikiran yang mutlak benar. Karena benar buruknya yang menentukan hanya Allah.

Saya mulai tulisan ini dengan menanyakan ke diriku sendiri... "Kenapa aku ingin menulis sesuatu yang sudah panas? Kenapa aku ingin menuliskan tentang pemikiranku disini yang mungkin akan dicerca banyak orang yang tidak sepamahaman denganku?"

Jawabannya cukup mudah... karena aku suka menulis dan aku ingin membagikan buah pikiranku ke orang lain yang mungkin bisa bermanfaat.

Pertanyaan selanjutnya... "Kenapa topik agama? Bukannya masih ada topik lainnya?"

Karena ini mengganggu pikiranku dan merasa bahwa dibutuhkan adanya suatu tulisan yang mungkin bisa membuat orang lain mengerti bahwa "do not just trust media" and "understand that you're the one who should think out of the box" and "be a true Muslim"

"Lalu, apakah dengan ini orang lain bisa mengerti apa yang akan kuceritakan dan mungkin berubah?"

Let's hope that will come true. haha I'm just no body. Aku hanya seorang wanita Muslim berkewarganegaraan Indonesia yang sedang belajar di luar negeri dan berusaha untuk menyelesaikan kuliah, tapi sedih melihat kondisi negara ku dan saudara-saudara ku.

"Ok then... show the readers what you thought."

Sudah tidak perlu ku ungkit terlalu banyak tentang kasus penistaan agama yang menyerang Gubernur DKI Jakarta. Semua orang sudah tahu bahwa itu yang sedang terjadi saat ini karena masalah Pak Ahok yang mengatakan kepada masyarakat Pulau Seribu untuk "jangan mau dibohongi oleh Q.S. Al-Maidah:51"

Yang menjadi poin utama ku disini adalah bagaimana masyarakat Indonesia menyikapi hal ini, dilihat dari sudut pandang seorang wanita yang sedang duduk di balik layar komputer dan sering tidak produktif karena terlalu sering membuka Facebook dan Line. hahaha

Seperti yang sudah biasa terjadi, terutama di periode pemilu, yang namanya isu sering sekali disetir sedimikian hingga membuat suatu berita, terlepas dari benar tidaknya, menjadi luar biasa. Pelakunya? tentu saja media mainstream. Hebatnya, berita ini sangat cepat beredar di internet. Aku tidak heran sih. Karena menurut data statistik, pengguna sosial media di Indonesia adalah salah satu yang terbesar di dunia.

Bahkan aku pernah membaca di salah satu jurnal internasional, lupa judulnya dan pengarangnya, karena pada saat itu jurnal tidak jadi kumasukkan ke jurnal yang sedang kutulis, bahwa "sosial media adalah media paling efektif dalam sarana penyebaran informasi, terutama di era pemilu." Kalau tidak salah ini yang menulis adalah orang Amerika dan dia melakukan riset tentang proses pemilu presiden tahun 2008-2009.

Kenapa bisa begitu? Karena "the power of peers" itu sangat terasa.

Saat ini aku sedang melakukan riset yang berhubungan dengan "the power of peers". Ketika suatu faktor di dalam teknologi digabungkan dengan pengaruh teman, maka pengaruh ini akan sangat berbeda ketika tidak ada teman di dalamnya. Contoh, kepercayaan terhadap sebuah teknologi, akan dipengaruhi oleh beberapa faktor, salah satunya adalah kualitas informasi yang diberikan oleh teman. It's proven to be significantly influence.

Jadi, ketika ada berita yang "lumayan hot", masyarakat Indonesia akan dengan mudah mengakses sosial media, menyebarkannya ke teman-temannya atau publik, dan disebarkan ulang oleh teman-teman mereka. Terlepas dari benar atau tidaknya sebuah informasi.

Hal yang cukup unik terjadi ketika sebagian besar, bukan semua, menganggap bahwa apa yang mereka sebarkan ke ranah publik adalah sesuatu yang benar, padahal informasi tersebut belum tentu benar. Kenapa aku bisa tahu? Karena setiap kali ada yang menyebarkan sebuah informasi di sosial media, mereka akan menambahkan buah pikiran mereka dalam bentuk tulisan. Sebagian besar dari orang-orang ini akan menuliskan tulisan yang menjurus ke arah "this is right and the other is wrong", which is refer too... "I'm right and you're wrong"

Terlebih ketika yang dibahas adalah sesuatu yang berhubungan dengan agama, dalam hal ini agama Islam.

Sebagai seorang Muslim, tentunya kita sudah tahu betul bahwa tidak baik untuk mengucapkan atau bahkan berpikir bahwa kita adalah satu-satunya yang paling benar dan orang lain tidak benar. Karena benar tidaknya sesuatu hanya pada Allah. Kita sebagai manusia, hanya bisa berdoa dan rendah diri terhadap apapun.

Di sisi lain, ketika ada sebuah informasi, haruslah kita untuk ber-tabayyun terlebih dahulu.

يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا إِنْ جَاءَكُمْ فَاسِقٌ بِنَبَإٍ فَتَبَيَّنُوا أَنْ تُصِيبُوا قَوْمًا بِجَهَالَةٍ فَتُصْبِحُوا عَلَىٰ مَا فَعَلْتُمْ نَادِمِينَ

Wahai orang- orang yang beriman, jika ada seorang faasiq datang kepada kalian dengan membawa suatu berita penting, maka tabayyunlah (telitilah dulu), agar jangan sampai kalian menimpakan suatu bahaya pada suatu kaum atas dasar kebodohan, kemudian akhirnya kalian menjadi menyesal atas perlakuan kalian.

[al-Hujurât/49:6].

Nah, sebagian besar dari masyarakat Indonesia tidak melakukan tabayyun. Mereka cenderung langsung menentukan bahwa berita tersebut benar adanya.

Memang susah untuk ber-tabayyun kepada orang yang disebutkan di dalam berita tersebut. Tapi, itu lah challenge nya. Apakah bisa melakukan filter terhadap sumber berita mana yang bisa dipercaya maupun tidak? Bagaimana jika tidak bisa?

Alangkah baiknya jika lebih baik diam.

أَلاَ أُخْبِرُكَ بِمَلاَكِ ذَلِكَ كُلِّهِ. قُلْتُ بَلَى يَا نَبِىَّ اللَّهِ قَالَ فَأَخَذَ بِلِسَانِهِ قَالَ  كُفَّ عَلَيْكَ هَذَا. فَقُلْتُ يَا نَبِىَّ اللَّهِ وَإِنَّا لَمُؤَاخَذُونَ بِمَا نَتَكَلَّمُ بِهِ فَقَالَ  ثَكِلَتْكَ أُمُّكَ يَا مُعَاذُ وَهَلْ يَكُبُّ النَّاسَ فِى النَّارِ عَلَى وُجُوهِهِمْ أَوْ عَلَى مَنَاخِرِهِمْ إِلاَّ حَصَائِدُ أَلْسِنَتِهِمْ.

“Maukah kuberitahukan kepadamu tentang kunci semua perkara itu?” Jawabku: “Iya, wahai Rasulullah.” Maka beliau memegang lidahnya dan bersabda, “Jagalah ini”. Aku bertanya, “Wahai Rasulullah, apakah kami dituntut (disiksa) karena apa yang kami katakan?” Maka beliau bersabda, “Celaka engkau. Adakah yang menjadikan orang menyungkurkan mukanya (atau ada yang meriwayatkan batang hidungnya) di dalam neraka selain ucapan lisan mereka?” 

(HR. Tirmidzi no. 2616. Tirmidzi mengatakan hadits ini hasan shohih)

Mungkin ada yang bepikir..."hei itu tulisan, bukan ucapan" ... sama saja bukan? apa yang dituliskan adalah apa yang diucapkan.

Hal ini juga tidak dilakukan oleh sebagian besar masyarakat Indonesia, terutama yang Muslim. Karena mereka cenderung dengan secara terbuka memberikan opini yang semestinya tidak diperlukan untuk orang lain tau.

Di sisi lain, banyak oknum, yang mungkin memanfaatkan kondisi untuk mendapatkan apa yang mereka inginkan. Aku tidak akan membahas tentang rencana politik maupun ekonomi suatu oknum tertentu. Namun, hal ini sudah banyak diketahui bahwa ketika ada sebuah isu, maka di balik layar, terdapat beberapa orang yang pasti akan memanfaatkan kondisi, apapun tujuannya.

Apakah kita mau membantu tujuan oknum yang tidak baik dengan menyebarkan berita yang belum jelas benar atau tidaknya? Bagaimana jika tujuan itu tidak ada baik-baiknya, hanya buruknya saja?

Banyak yang mungkin beranggapan bahwa "aku tidak tahu ada tujuan itu, yang penting kuanggap benar maka akan ku share"

Inilah yang kurang baik menurutku dan menjadi bumbu ataupun minyak bagi yang sudah panas menjadi lebih panas lagi.

Masyarakat kurang mengerti bahwa jika tidak tahu lebih baik diam, tabayyun, dan tunjukkan dengan yang apa yang dipercaya di dalam konteks yang lebih baik. Misalnya, tidak memilih calon yang dianggap tidak baik. Bukan dengan semakin menyebarkan fitnah ataupun kalimat yang tidak baik.

Dikarenakan cepatnya informasi yang tersebar, membuat orang-orang sepertiku yang notabene "lebih baik diam" menjadi risih. Isi sosial media 80% terkait isu yang sedang panas dan terjadi perdebatan sana sini, yang intinya adalah "I'm right and you're wrong". Lingkungan seperti ini sepertinya tidak baik untuk kesehatan mental saya. haha

The most important thing that we have to put on our mind are ... PATIENT, FORGIVE, and LEARN.

Masih ingatkah apa yang dilakukan Rasulullah ketika bangsanya sendiri membenci Islam, meludahi, dan mencelakai Beliau? Bersabar, memaafkan, dan belajar.

Tulisanku ini mungkin menjadi cambuk untuk diriku sendiri untuk lebih berhati-hati ketika menyebarkan sebuah informasi. Semoga kita menjadi orang yang lebih baik lagi.

Amiinnn...

Motherhood

Become a mom, a good mom, a respectful mom, a  friendly mom, a playful mom, and the best mom for my child have been one of my dreams since I was a teenager. The desire to have baby of my own is stronger when I married two years ago. However, until now, I'm not yet pregnant.

I'm very understand that when the time is right, God will give me a chance to have a baby. Moreover, I should not underestimate God's will. He knows best for me.

However, my heart is aching and hurt so bad when I see those pictures.

When my friends got pregnant, they instantly told the world via Facebook or any social media. And then more baby pictures on my timeline when these babies born to the world. The cuteness, the love, and the happiness that these people have, I'm not yet having it, Instead, I'm very jealous. My friends told everybody how their child is growing up. How they learn how to walk or speak. Even when their child is just lazy around or sleeping. I want that so badly...

Not only pictures of my friends' babies that make me...crazy.

Even YouTube gives me some video recommendation about mom, baby, and everything about it. Although the videos are not really related with parenting, sometimes when I watch a video about a child and in some part of it the parents come out, I become sad.

The worst part is when my friends ask me ... "Are you pregnant?"

Yes I'm big enough to be told pregnant. Because the biggest part in my body is only my stomach. I've been tried sooo damn hard to make myself slim again, but it failed. Not because I eat a lot. I'm not a big eater. But because I eat hormone pills, so that I can get pregnant. And this pills make me "fat" in the specific area of my body.

I'm tired of being asked that way. I'm tired of people asking me "When will you get pregnant?" If I know, I will tell them. But I DON'T KNOW!!!

The sadness and frustration are very strong in these days. Especially when I have a lot of stuffs going on and need to be done. Overwhelmed.

Then, I remember what I read several months ago on a Facebook post about "being a mom", which tell stories about each woman with different conditions about motherhood.

Woman A, is not yet pregnant. She's trying very hard to be a mom. To hospital, traditional medicine, atc. Even in vitro fertilization. But, didn't work. She's jealous with her bestfriend who married after her but pregnant almost instantly after that.
Woman B, is always pregnant. Many people just told her to stop having a baby. But she can't abort her baby. She used pregnancy prevention pills, but sometimes it just didn't work. She is struggling to fed her babies and send them to school. She's desperate.
Woman C, can't pregnant. She has some problems with her health. But she wants baby so bad. So, she adopt a baby boy from another country. However, this baby boy is not the same as baby of her own.
Woman D, do not want to have a baby. She's just afraid to be a mom. She's struggling with her past life and seeing herself as a bad mom.
These women think the same way.
Woman A wants to be Woman B.
Woman B wants to be Woman D
Woman C wants to be Woman B
Woman D wants to be Woman C

Maybe the story above is not exactly the same with the original story, because I kinda forgot the original one. But, the thing is that there are a lot of women out there that have the same or even worst experience that I have. And people in our environment will always judge us with their own thinking. We can't change their mind and we just need to understand and be patient.

If the time is right... God will give us a chance to become a mom....
God knows best.