Escape from Chaos

Laziness when problems came is a big mistake. This happened to me since last week when I was desperate on how to solve my problem and my stress. There are too much to think of and it turns out not really well. I've became too lazy to go out, do my homework, study for midterm, do household chores, etc. I just want to be at home and watching movies instead of doing the necessary things.

Without I realized, my homework are piled up. My room was a mess. My research progress was not going anywhere. I didn't study for midterm. Organization's works didn't touched yet.

When I realized those things happened, it's too late. Because the deadline is already in front of my nose. The results, I was trying to keep up with everything. Start to do my works. But, I couldn't do it because many things need to be done and my hands were trembling.

Last Wednesday, I had a appointment with my professor's assistant. So, I prepare the materials that I need before meet her. But, then when I came to school (this day is not the day I came to Taipei usually) after two days back and forth Taipei-Hsinchu, she forgot to meet me. At time, I felt like I wanna collapse due to exhausted.

Last Friday, I had routine lab meeting with several professors and my lab mates. We had to present our research progress about what we already accomplished in the month. So, the day before I made my ppt. I knew it's not really good enough but enough to be a research progress. But, my expectation is too high. My progress was declined.

Yesterday I had my midterm and my friend saw me like "are you ok? please just slow down..." He said something like that because when I started to use a computer in front of to do the midterm, my hands kept trembling and I always mumbling something like "what must i do? how can i do this? is this ok? is that ok? where's the file?" and he knew it's not me. Then, he asked another friend of us which in the same group with us to help me do things. The bad thing is no one knows what to do. Practically, we failed in the midterm which need teamwork.

And this week... I have many deadlines for many things. After I had my midterm and while I was waiting for the bus, I read a paper for tomorrow's class. But, couldn't focus. I couldn't think anything good about anything. My hand trembling. I was sad but couldn't cry. My body was extremely exhausted. I just don't know what to do.

Then... I heard a notification in my tab. My mom sent me a message. Suddenly, I called her and wanted to talk with her.

After listened to me, she said something like this...

"Allah has purpose for everything happened in your life. All we can do just do the best and pray. Make 1 hour between maghrib and isya' prayer to think about Allah. You can recite Qur'an or watch islamic study video in YouTube."

"Exhausted came, but just remember Allah with prayer, insha Allah everything will be okay"

Yes, I absolutely agree. I realized I forgot that Allah is with me. Allah has purpose and all I have to do is pray to him.

So, I closed my eyes and recite surah Al-Ikhlas several times and Istighfar. I made my brain not think about school work, household, problems, etc. I only focus on remembering Allah.

Then, my bus came and I recite Qur'an in the bus.

Slowly... my head became brighter. I can think about what I have to do first, the priority. I can think about some priorities of my works and write it down. I still had my headache but I still can think.

So, when I got home, I started to do my ToDo lists. I work on my homework, my research, study papers, and even my organization's work.

What I learn from this experience is...

When everything start out of control, close your eyes and remember Allah, then pray and recite Al-Qur'an. InshaAllah, you will find ease can start to make priorities of your work.